Facing forward

let your dream become your passion – My leap Of Faith


3 Comments

Gratitude for the good and bad

Gratitude

Today I am filled with so much gratitude – gratitude for the path I am walking.

When I think of the word gratitude to me it means thankfulness, counting your blessings, noticing simple pleasures, and acknowledging everything that you receive. It means learning to live your life as if everything were a miracle, and being aware on a continuous basis of how much you’ve been given.

True Gratitude happened for me, when I truly accepted and learnt to appreciate the road I have traveled, I found acceptance and gratitude not only in the good times but the sad and dark times too.

This is what I have realized – I had to walk that path as hard as my life has been, that is the path I chose.  The best part is – I had to walk that path with the heartache all the pain and all the sorrows to become the person I am today.

I had to make some really tough decision this year, walking away from my marriage was not an easy decision, looking back now, I can truthfully say,  it was actually the first time in my life that I was actually honest with myself and actually doing something for me.   I have been a people pleaser my entire life and probably why I have always felt unfulfilled and that there was something missing.   I have always put other people’s needs before my own, sadly by doing that, I had lost my Identity.

As part of the process, I have had to re discover myself, find out who I really was, that has been hard and emotional but at the same time unbelievable and magical.

The outcome has been self-acceptance.  This happened only after I discovered my truth and authentic self.  There comes a time in life we need to just stop, stop and become honest with ourselves, I had to reevaluate my life and make huge changes.  I am so grateful for courage and strength through God’s Grace, this was possible.

I choose to live a conscious life now.  I am more aware now, of the signs that the universe sends me.  I choose to see them as gifts that are sent to me, they are plentiful.  I believe, we all get sent them, thing is it’s up to us to acknowledge and accept them.

Real gratitude can only come from a place of love and appreciation for the moments past and present – for the stories, lessons learnt or place and people who have touched our being in such a way that, that feeling is all and only love.

Love for them and love for my life.gratitude


Leave a comment

Owning my truth becoming authentically me

I am exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally – “so is this what it feels like to truly surrender”.

I have a strange vibration going through my body at the moment, my hands are shaking.  I’m thrilled yet also freaking out as, I have realised this is one of those, “AHA” moments.

I have shed so many tears, I have a heavy heart and I need to remind myself to breathe.   A voice in my head says,  “you going to be okay, breathe, relax, breathe.”

Somehow, the dots started to connect, all those feelings deep within my core, (this goes way back literally 35 years back.)  I am trying hard to stay present in the moment as i know, this is what I have longed for, for so long.  Finally realising, my truth, I wonder… “is this what my authentic self feels like.”

Today it was all revealed to me, this is exactly why I have felt so stuck, I need to break free, repeating the same patterns of past failed relationships, I cant do that anymore.

I have always lost my identity in my relationship.  Truthfully I have always felt, trapped, lonely, not worthy, numb, unfufilled.  Yet when I was in those relationships, it was labeled ( wendy is very sensative).

I can now ask the myself the question, why did I always feel the need for approval?  I could never find my own self worth or value, I was  constantly looking for eternal fixes to make me feel whole. The need to be needed and need to love!

I never have looking within myself for that love, no way,  that was never a thought!   Self love was a space I could never explore.  I didnt have a messed up childhood, it was a loving and caring home, yet I did feel I had to constantly achieve and excel like my twin sisters.

Yes, the truth was, there was alot of pressure, that young girl back then, lost her self worth and value, never feeling she could excel like they did.

How could my parents possibly love me if I was so stupid.‪#‎sadden‬‪#‎hectic‬ ‪#‎blacksheep.

‬So now I gently will sit with this feeling and take a Huge breathe, try not to cry anymore, walk to the mirror, look up slowly, smile and say ” Hi – I am Wendy, lovely to meet you”.

40 years later I can honestly say,  know I am worthy, and none of those memories of my childhood will ever own me anymore.

Small steps, slowly and gently, I now take – releasing myself of all the negative feelings.  Growing spiritually, facing forward with love.


4 Comments

Healing my soul my personal journey

I am on a path, exactly where i am meant to be right now.  And from here, I can only go forward, shaping my life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing of courage, of beauty, of wisdom, of power, of dignity, and of love.”   My journey to self discovery, a gift and promise to myself.

I have started to attend spiritual gatherings/retreats held by the community I belong to in Johannesburg South Africa.

Release and healing was the beautiful gift I received from the retreat I recently attended.   If you have ever experienced energy healing you will understand what I mean. The vibration going through my body in that very moment, one just knows what is happening. The power the release the awareness the calm that follow’s. #Goose bumps.

This morning I sit stunned by the realization that I’m different today because my new life has only now begun.

Over the past few months I have made huge changes to my personal life. So the change is obvious to those around me, yet today I sit here typing, with my heart wide open. When I sit quietly, I wait and listen, waiting for the noise in my head to start. Yet today it’s not there. Oh MY WORD, where is the noise. ‪#‎Laughing the feeling of complete peace and love fills my entire body, so I cry again of course, these are tears of joy and gratitude – as I know now, I finally closed the door on my past. This is possible because of the lovely caring friends and community that surround me.

I am so grateful for my emotional roller coaster of a week, last week.  It all made sense to me while at this gathering,  I started to connect the dots, I call it divine intervention.  I had to have that hard emotional week for a reason.  A lot of old feelings and dark memories from my past seemed to bombard my mind during that week.  After many conversations with myself along with self doubt and far too many tears shed.  I could sit back and reflect on that emotional week and comfortably know in my heart,  I had completed the work I needed to do that week already by facing those memories of the past. This is how powerful the universe is.  My final release was completed at the ceremony. Burning the little boxes that have been a part of me for so long, the ones that were tightly sealed and packed down very deep in my soul the ones with all that muck and dirt in them, that muck and dirt will never haunt me ever again, they gone, burnt merely ashes swept away with the wind.

What a powerful and profound message.

Truth, honour, consideration, love and happiness is all I have in my heart now.

After my release I could finally take that first baby step and reconnect with my true self. That was reconnecting with my inner child. Tears turned to Sobs when I saw her for the first time. (surrounded by friends within my community to help me through this pain, along with trust and faith in God, I was able to  accept her with grace and love once more.

My letter to my inner child.

To the child who grew up always saying “ I cant”

To the one who constantly felt she was never good enough

To the child that disappeared at a very young age

I love you

You are worthy

You are holy

Right now and forever

To the one who cried herself to sleep

To the child who knew she was loved, yet constantly felt alone

To the one I abused through substance abuse

I am sorry

I gently pick you up, off the floor

I look at your face and touch your blonde hair

I take you in my arms and hold you close

I wipe your tears, hush hush dear one

You are safe once more

I softly whisper in your ear “it’s time”

“Dear child open your eyes”

I promise to never leave you

I promise to nurture you

love and care for you

I promise to keep you safe

“Dear Child open your eyes”

The darkness is now filled with light and sunshine

“Dear Child open your eyes”

I am you, you are me we are one

Take my hand dear child

I promise to honour love and respect you once more.